THE BIG STORY / Business
Nation’s Billionaires Announce Plan To Finally Address Poverty By Making It Illegal
America’s wealthiest billionaires unveil an ambitious plan to eliminate poverty by making it a criminal offense, promising a future where being poor is no longer legally permitted
Science
Scientists Discover Cure For Cancer, Immediately Begin Working On Subscription Model
Scientists announce a historic breakthrough in cancer treatment, only for pharmaceutical executives to delay its release while developing a monthly subscription model that charges patients for continued survival.
2 min read
News
God Confirms All Prayers Being Forwarded To Spam Since 2003
God discovers 46 trillion unanswered prayers in His spam folder after a software update, explaining decades of apparent divine silence. Heaven responds by introducing a premium subscription for urgent prayers.
2 min read